


I don't hate you

by That_midnight_nerd



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Betrayal, Bisexual James Potter, Bisexual Remus Lupin, Confused Remus Lupin, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Gay Sirius Black, Good Peter Pettigrew, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Indian James Potter, Internalized Homophobia, Jealous Sirius Black, M/M, Minor Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Original Character(s), Past Abuse, Peter Pettigrew is Not a Marauder, Peter Pettigrew is a Good Friend, Regulus Black is a Good Sibling, Separation Anxiety, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Sirius Black is a Good Friend, Slow Burn, kinda slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29446041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_midnight_nerd/pseuds/That_midnight_nerd
Summary: Sirius and Remus finally start talking again after the Prank on Snape. Slowly they start to rebuild their friendship and in the process they both come to terms with how they truly feel about one and other. But will they be able to put everything behind them and allow a fresh start, in more ways then one.Set in their 6th year! James and Lily are friends already, Peter is a good friend, there is no war on the horizon!
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Mary Macdonald/Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Remus Lupin





	I don't hate you

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is the first fic I've posted In years! Apologise for any grammar mistakes I haven't had anyone else read it before posting! 
> 
> It's set in their 6th year, there's no war, Peter is a good friend!! Will most likely be slow burn as I add more chapters. 
> 
> Thanks for reading! I appreactie it!!

" Okay team! I think that’s enough for today!” James shouted over the wind, flying low as he beckoned his team to land with him on the still frosty Quidditch pitch. He was beaming at them all as they landed around him. " Awesome practice today team! Ravenclaw don’t stand a chance against us this year!” James was still grinning happily as they huddled together fighting against the wind. All of them were red faced from the bitter February wind, their Quidditch robes flying around them and their hair standing on end making them all look rather wind-swept. The pitch was slowly starting to defrost, it had been frozen solid when they arrived at 6am. It had also still be completely dark out when they started practice, they sun hadn't started to rise until 8am. The sunrise had been stunning and brought a small amount of warmth with it, which they all appreciated it. They were especially grateful that it was no longer raining, the rain had been coming down hard over the castle and ground all week.

“I hope so! Why’d you get us up so early on a Saturday, Potter? The Ravenclaw match isn't for another couple of weeks!!” Canham looked towards James stretching, making his back click. He was a tall broad shouldered 5th year that had been Gryffindor keeper since his 3rd year.

“It will all be worth it in the end, don’t you worry Canham!” James clapped him on the back cheerfully looking up at him.

“Well I’m heading back to bed, it’s freaking cold out here” Canham yawned as he ran a hand though his curly blond hair.

“Oh come on Eric! Don’t be such a broomstick in the mud! We all know how much you want too beat them” Miller nudged him in the side softly smiling. She was a fellow 5th with Canham and could quite easily give James a run for his money with her flying skills. 

“Yeah, Especially after what happened against them last year!” Willams was grinning at him as she untied her hair, letting the wind blow it back off her face. She'd just become the teams Seeker after James had become Chaser.

“You don’t need to remind me that I let 2 penalties in!” Canham sighed as he wrapped an arm around Miller’s shoulders hiding his face in her hair, they’d been dating for a couple of months now.

“Never mentioned it. Was actually thinking about how Black hit a Bludger so hard he broke his bat” Williams was grinning as she gave Sirius a cheeky wink.

Everyone laughed, even Canham who had turned towards the changing rooms. The others followed him, all throwing cheerfully goodbyes to James and Sirius, who were staying back to put away the Quaffles they’d been using for practice.

“Still can’t believe that I broke both my bat and my own nose in that match!” Sirius was still laughing softly as he rubbed his nose thinking about it.

“It was pretty funny!” James was grinning as he threw a Quaffle at Sirius. Who ducked just in time before it hit him square in the face.

“Hey!” Sirius was trying not to laugh as he pouted at James, running after the Quaffle that had landed a few feet behind him. He turned to look at James giving him his best puppy dog eyes. 

“Padfoot don’t give me that look, you know it doesn’t work on me anymore!” He was laughing again as he watched Sirius basically pounce on the Quaffle. “Come on you mutt! Bring it back! I’m getting cold!” 

“Serves you right for getting us up so early!” Sirius was laughing with him as he threw the Quaffle back. James caught it rather then ducking like Sirius had, his reflexes were still pretty good even when he wasn’t flying. Sirius stretched as he made his way back over to James, who was putting the Quaffle that they’d just been throwing about away with the others. 

“What are you on about, mate! You always get up before I do!” James was watching him bemused as he picked up his broom, resting it on his shoulder careful before grabbing one of the handles on the box they’d just put all the Quaffles back into.

“Yeah well old habits die hard. I have my mother to thank for that” Sirius hummed as he grabbed his broom as well also resting it on his shoulder. Before picking up his beaters bat and balancing it on top of the box containing the Quaffles as he grabbed the other handle so they could head back to the changing rooms.

By the time they'd put the box away in the storage cupboard just inside changing room, there were only two players left in the changing room. Willams and McKinnon were sat chatting about practice, going over some of the new moves that they had been trying out. Willams was also pretty pleased with herself as she’d been able to catch the Snitch quickly, beating her own personal record, James had been really impressed.

“Hey Black! Do you maybe want to stay back and practice together?” Williams had started watching Sirius as soon as they walked in, she was twirling her long Chestnut hair between her fingers as she grinned at him.

“Nah think I might head back to the castle for a late breakfast. Maybe another time.” He grinned back at her before stretching his arms above his head hoping to make his back click. 

“Sirius don’t forget we have detention with Professer Sprout this afternoon.” McKinnon had turned to look at Sirius as well as she took off her arm brace. She really wanted to change the subject before Williams started to flirt with Sirius again, it was starting to become more and more frequent, despite Sirius always saying no she was pretty persistent.

“As if I could possibly forget! Been looking forward to it all week!” He stuck his tongue out at her playfully as James just rolled his eyes at them both.

“I’m glad! Seeing as it was your fault we got caught!” she stuck her tongue out back at him smiling as she started taking the braid out of dark hair.

“In all honestly I can say it was both your faults! Considering you got caught sneaking into a broom closet together.” James was trying not to laugh as be saw the look on Willams face and gave Sirius a gentle nudge in the side.

“Wait... why were you two in a broom closet together?!” Willams looked between them with a look of shock and confusion.

“We just wanted somewhere private to talk, right Sirius?” 

“Right Marlene. We were discussing the best way for us both to come out of the closet” Sirius grinned as James and Marlene both burst out laughing, Willams looked between them all even more confused. Marlene nodded at her in agreement to what Sirius had said as she tried to calm herself down. But James had just snorted loudly which made her laugh more as well as cause Sirius to give out a bark like laugh as he watched James use his broomstick for support.

“And on there note, I shall bid you two lovely ladies goodbye.” Sirius was grinning as he headed towards the exit, broomstick resting on his shoulder he turned just before reaching the door. “ oh yeah, meet you in the entrance hall at 4, Marls?”

“Its a date” Marlene was grinning at him. Sirius gave her a wink before heading out of the changing rooms and back into the cold windy grounds.

“You’re a right prat sometimes Pads!” James was grinning. He’d followed him out into the wind, which caused his hair to blow up on end even more then normal.

“I’ve no idea what you mean my dear Prongs” Sirius was grinning back at him with a gleam in his deep grey eyes. He stopped so that James could catch up to him, his long strides meant that it didn’t take him long at all to reach Sirius, who now had his head bowed slightly as the wind had started to make his eyes water.

“Willams will be thinking all sorts of things now! Especially about you and Marlene!” James was still smiling as reached Sirius, giving him a slightly nudge with his shoulder. Before they both set off again across the grounds towards the castle, both of them with their heads bowed against another large gust of wind, it was started to get stronger and judging by the clouds it looked like it might start raining soon. “You do realise that Willams has had a crush on you for like two years now?!” James asked as he started to pick up his pace, he'd just felt a few drops of rain on his face and wanted to get to the castle without getting rained on.

“Yeah I know, can’t blame her though! I am rather charming! You of all people should know that!” Sirius was grinning again.

“You’re something that’s for sure” James laughed as he ruffles Sirius’ hair making it a mess before running off ahead of him. 

“HEY!” Sirius had slapped James’ hand away before he ran off and was now attempting to tidy his hair, running his hands over it quickly. He had hoped to keep it in a bun until they were back in the castle, the wind always make it go crazy. He pouted at James as he untied us hair, just then there was a strong gust of wind, that blew his hair on end before It then full into his face in a mess. James laughed as he watched him struggle against the wind, Sirius managed to pull his hair into a low ponytail but his fringe was still blowing all over the place.

“That’s what you get for having long hair!” James shouted over another gust of wind, chucking as Sirius started to make his way over to him still pouting slightly.

“Ah but the ladies love it! Gotta keep it long for them Prongs!” Sirius was trying not to grin as they head off for the castle again. He was still trying to push his fringe out of his face but failed everytime, James was trying hard not to laugh as he watched.  
“Still haven’t got a clue as to how you got such a reputation for being a ladies man! If only they knew the truth!” James said grinning.

“Well like I’ve said before, I am rather charming, funny and handsome. I couldn’t possibly tell them the truth. They’d be heartbroken to think they couldn’t have a chance with moi! The one and only Sirius Black!” He was smiling back at James but had started to feel a little anxious as James talked about people knowing the truth. Currently the only people at school that knew he was gay, were the Maruders plus Lily and her friends. He was worried about how the rest of the school would react if they knew, especially after what happened during the summer when his mother found out. He shook his head slightly to stop himself from thinking about it again as they made their way up the stone steps leading into the entrance hall. They had timed it just right as the rain had started to fall harder now, rattling the windows slightly as it hit them. 

“Still amazes me” James ran a hand In his hair thoughtfully with a smile as he made his way up the main stair case towards the common room, but then stopped suddenly when he realised that Sirius wasn’t walking with him anymore. He turned to look down the stairs and saw that Sirius was at stood in the entrance hall just staring down the corridor with a slight frown. 

“Sirius what’s up” James looked down at him confused, tilting his head slightly as he watched him. Sirius didn’t say anything he just kept on staring down the corridor as he rubbed his neck absent-mindly. James headed back down the stairs quickly, coming to a silent halt beside Sirius before turning to look down the corridor to see what Sirius was staring at so intensely. It was Remus, only he wasn’t alone. He was chatting quite happily with Veronica Jenkins from Ravenclaw who also happened to be this year’s headgirl.

“What's Remus doing talking to her?” Sirius asked sounding confused, he was still frowning.

“Well Moony is a prefect, maybe she’s telling him about a meeting or something” James said softly as he watched Sirius from the corner of his eye. Worry was starting to wash over him. “They’re just talking Pads.”

“Then why is she touching his arm?!” Sirius huffed not taking his eyes off of them. James turned his attention back to Remus and Veronica, watching as she placed a hand on his arm laughing at something he’d just said. They could tell Remus had just said something sarcastic as he was wearing the grin he always did when he’d just said something cheeky.

“Sirius come on mate, you’re over thinking this. So what if he’s talking to her. He's a prefect, he knows and talks to alot of people around school” James was now watching Sirius fully, worried that he might do something impulsive that he'd regret. Again. 

“Yet he still won’t talk to me” Sirius mumbled softly feeling sorry for himself.

“I thought we’d been over th-“ 

“Yeah, yeah! I deserve it. I know” Sirius spoke over James as he started to get a bit frustrated. He shuffled his feet slightly , they were starting to get cold now he’d stopped moving.

“You know full well that’s not what I was going to say and I’ve never said that” James hummed slightly as he looked down at Sirius, using his height to his advantage to try and get Sirius to look at him. It worked Sirius finally looked away from Remus and up at James, making eye contact as he nodded his head slowly.

“Yeah, sorry Prongs.” He replied softly as he looked down at his boots, noticing that his shoe laces were starting to come undone, he was trying hard not to look at Remus again.

“I thought we’d been over this Padfoot. You said that you understood why Remus was keeping his distance and you didn’t blame him for not wanting to talk about it.” James put his hand on Sirius shoulder, squeezing it softly.

“Yeah... I know ... I do get why he doesn't want to talk to me.. or even be my friend anymore... I just really miss him James” Sirius spoke so softly that James barely heard him, and he was still staring at his boots, so that James coundnt see the sad look on his face.   
“I know you do mate and he'll always be your friend, he just needs time to think things over. That’s all.” He squeezed Sirius’ shoulder again, trying to keep him calm. 

“But it’s been 3 months! We’ve hardly spoken in 3 months!! I’ve never seen him that mad before.. He was so angry with me.. I’m sure he still is.. we'll never be friends again.. He hates me.” Sirius was rambling now and there was a slight quiver in his voice. All the random thoughts going around in his head he was saying outload to James. They’d beh friends long enough that James knew that was what he needed to do, otherwise Sirius would simply bottle everything up and then just explode randomly over the smallest thing.

“He doesn’t hate you” James said softly moving to rub Sirius’ back slowly as he hummed. Sirius simply rocked backwards and forwards on his feet slowly as he went silent thinking things over. James was still watching as he chewed the inside of his cheek still rubbing Sirius back. Sirius nodded slowly ‘ James took that as a good sign. “come on. Let’s get back to the common room, you’re starting to get cold.” James was gently pushing on Sirius’ back hoping that he would start heading up the stairs with him. Without looking back a Remus, Sirius turned with James and started to make his way up the staircase towards the common room, shuffling his feet slightly as he walked. It was a shame that he didn’t look back at Remus, if he had he'd have seen that Remus had been watching them too and was currently wearing a sad smile as they walked away.

It took them a while to walk up all the staircases that lead to the common room, they mostly walked in silence the only sound being made by the shuffling of their feet on the stone floor and James saying the odd hello to people they passed as they left the tower. Sirius was so deep in thought that he completely forgot about the trick step almost getting his leg trapped, if it hadn’t been for James grabbing hold of him in time. They’d finally reached the last staircase leading to the common room when Sirius stopped suddenly.

“Do you think he’s going out with her?” He asked quietly. James stopped on the stair just ahead of Sirius humming as he chewed the inside of his cheek again before turning to look at him. 

“No. Why do you think that?” He asked watching Sirius closely, he’d been curious as to why he'd been so quite as they walked. Normally he would say everything out loud so he could get his thoughts out of his head and so that he could get James opinion on things.

“Well how else do you explain her touching his arm?!... and they were standing really close together... plus they were both laughing about something.. and he looked really comfortable with her... and he’s not comfortable with many people .. You know how anxious he gets!! Plus she’s really pretty and clever... like Remus...” Sirius was panting slightly as he was starting to get worked up. He'd been thinking about what he'd just seen, everything was going around and around his head making him feel dizzy, he rubbed his eyes desperately trying to calm himself down. 

“Mate this is the first time we've seen them together, plus I’m pretty sure that he’d have told us if he was seeing someone” James softly placed his hand on Sirius shoulder again, hoping it would help to calm him.

“But we're not-“ 

“ I know you two aren’t talking at the moment... but he’d have said something to me or Peter. He wouldn’t keep us all in the dark” James tried to said it as nicely as he could, but it was true. Remus was still talking to the two of them, about what happened. About Sirius. Sirius sighed softly as he got his breathing under control, nodding at James as he then moved past him up the last few stairs.

“Nargles” He said softly to the portrait of the fat lady, she nodded at him before swinging open so that he could climb inside. James watched him go with a sad smile as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously.


End file.
